This morning was one of those mornings where I just wanted to kick some butt! I was angry as hell and beyond frustrated, some of it was valid frustration and some of it was just me being my control freak self. I recently had a conversation with a dear friend of mine about the possibility that our job choices have something to say about us as individuals on a psychological level. We both grew up in a very strict, religious, stifling environment and now here we are in our jobs managing and organizing other people’s lives. If that doesn’t say something, I don’t know what does …
For a long time I was told how to act, how to look, how to be and now that I am finally in control of my own life I teeter between easy going and control freak. I am an extremely tenacious, determined, go getter in some ways and in other ways I am a laid back, peaceful, carefree person. I think I draw the line when it comes to my personal life vs. my social life. In my personal life, I want to have control whereas in a social setting I am more willing to go with the flow and defer to others. In my personal life, I don’t deal well with change, I don’t like when things are chaotic or plans go array as they did this morning.
Before Madison was born, I was much more able to ignore the issues. I had so little time between work and school to really focus on bettering myself. After Madison was born, it became a complete necessity. Three months after she was born I was diagnosed with Post Partum Depression, the dreaded diagnoses of every new mother. I mean really, who wants to tell their doctor, “Oh by the way, I think I am going a little crazy?”
Between dealing with my inner demons, adjusting to being a new mother and dealing with other difficulties in my life at the time I finally came to a point where I realized something had to change. For me the answer was far simpler than I imagined; I needed to take the time to focus on becoming a better person and developing better coping mechanisms. So I did two things; I opened my heart up to new friendships that continue to offer me support and a safe place to spill my guts and I started working out on a consistent basis.
Today when my emotions were at a boiling point and I needed a release for all my negative energy, I made myself focus on what would really be helpful to me mentally and emotionally. I went to the gym and I kicked my own butt and it was awesome! By the end of my workout, my negative energy was gone. My frustration had dissipated and I was able to examine the issues with a clear head as well as dance and be silly with my girly girl. I was always told I was not athletic, I never thought I would enjoy working out and sometimes I still don’t, but the overall positive impact it has had on my life mentally, physically, and emotionally make it more than worth the while. And to once again quote John Locke of LOST, “Don’t tell me what I can’t do!”
So wherever you are in your personal journey, realize that only you can change the negative into positive and that you do have the power to overcome. Don’t let your past or how others have labeled you determine how you are going to live out your life today. You have only one life to live, so live it fully, passionately, and have some fun!